Frequently Asked Questions

Who are you? No really, I mean who the hell are you?

The Book Snark is just one part of my personality: a standout among the myriad cackling voices in my head. I am by no means a master of disguise and make no claims to be so. My alter ego is a decent enough guy, but he’s kind of a monkey.

This site, however, is the domain of the BS, who loves to read and snark about it.

How often do you post new entries?

Daily during the week. Not so much on weekends.

How do you grade?

However the hell I want! Mwa-ha-ha-ha! No, no, I kid.

My grading process is actually quite thoroughly thought-out, and different rules are in place for different genres. For example, it’s impossible to judge a cookbook with the same grading scale used for a sci-fi novel. So each category has a slightly different approach to grading.

Similarly, a book with one or two slight mars doesn’t mean a massive drop in grade, however one big fuck-up could certainly mean a massive grade boom-boom. On the other hand, if a book has a slight mar that is terribly distracting, then it could mean a massive drop in grade. And a big fuck-up can sometimes save itself with strong writing or characterization.

So yeah, it’s complicated. But I do take it seriously. And how pathetic is that?

Will you review my book on your site?

Good heavens, we writers are gluttons for punishment, aren’t we? Tehehe.

The short answer is “maybe”. Please bear in mind you are asking that your book be subjected to the judgment of the Snark. Just because I read it doesn’t mean I’ll love it. Check out some of the other reviews on this site, and if you still want your book snarkified, then Jebus help you.

The best route to take would be to first contact me, and give me a brief synopsis of your book. If it’s something I’m interested in, then sure, send it along, and I’ll add it to my Must Read Before Depends and Pureed Food Become a Necessity pile. I can’t make any promises as to when I’ll read it or when a review will be posted because, well, because I’m kind of a shit.

Will you write a blurb for my book?

Same rules as above apply here too.

You gave my book a bad review, and now you must pay. How do you want to die, Snark?

Ah buck up, li’l camper. I’m just a lowly snark whose opinion doesn’t count for a hill o’ monkey poo in this cruel world. Take it with a grain of salt, let a smile be your umbrella, when god closes a door, blah blah blah.

You gave my book an awesome review. What can I send you as a gift?

Chocolate.

Always.

Chocolate.

Are you single?

Sorry, folks, but I am happily wedded to my beloved snarkpanion. However, I still encourage you to keep sending your dirty photos. The Snark likes dirty photos.

Why are so many corncob holders made to look like miniature corncobs?

Maddening, isn’t it? And so redundant.

One of my nipples is disproportionately larger than the other. What should I do?

A little soft pink lipstick around the delinquent nip should work nicely.



      WHAT IS A SNARK?




      The Snark is a creature created by Lewis Carroll in his poem "The Hunting of the Snark". To give a proper description of Snarks, one must look no further than Carroll himself, who summed them up in one word: Unimaginable.

      But this much we do know: some have feathers, some have whiskers. Snarks sleep a lot, yet they are an ambitious lot -- with very little sense of humor. They love bathing-machines and tend to bring them wherever they go; they are also handy for striking a light. Snarks live on a far-off island, a place filled with chasms and crags, and are constantly on the lookout for Snark-hunters. Their mortal enemies are hope, care, thimbles and forks.

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